The Mask (no, not Jim Carrey)

Today was the inaugural mask fitting ceremony. Okay let’s face it (possible pun there - sorry) there was no ceremony. It was just a standard Monday afternoon, after an exhausting but brilliant weekend of 12th birthday celebrations and a sleepover of 8 girls in the loft, spent lying on a hard metal table with a cannula in my arm to inject contrast dye, which makes you feel like you are simultaneously wetting yourself and eating metal, having a sheet of melted mesh thermoplastic placed over my head and shoulders and moulded to my shape then bolted to the table with 8 big black bolts until the mesh has set solidly, then popped into a CT scanner for a few rays and then sent on my merry way - see you in 3 weeks darling! 

I have to wear a mask for each of my 30 radiotherapy sessions. That’s every day, Mon-Fri, for 6 weeks. And it’s a 2.5 hour round trip each day in the car. The purpose of the mask is to make sure I stay completely still and can’t move. Once moulded, it sets into a very hard plastic. As you can imagine, it is not pleasant - it’s very tight fitting so I can’t move at all (I know, that’s the idea, but still not nice) although I do have a hole for my eyes, nose and mouth, which I wasn’t expecting as most masks I’ve seen online don’t have this. I do feel fortunate in that regard. The mask has points on it to ensure the beams land in exactly the right place. I feel more reassured by this than I did by the arrow that was drawn on my neck with a felt tip pen right before surgery!

Being bolted to a cold metal table is unpleasant at best, terrifying at worst, and I have to try to train my mind not to think about it while I’m in the mask bolted to the metal table. It’s a bit like the tunnel of doom (otherwise known as an MRI), if you allow your mind to go to the place of fear, you will panic and it’s downhill from there, so you have to try to focus your mind. Easier said than done, but I have been practicing breathing exercises to get me through it so I’m hoping I can employ those when needed. So that’s the fitting done. I now have 3 weeks to try to enjoy the rest of the summer. I’m hoping to eat a lot, sleep a lot and spend some lovely time with my little ladies. Oh and squeeze in a last trip to Portugal!