Week 5 - Day 21

Today marks the start of week 5, so exactly two more weeks to go. Sleep is becoming more difficult as I’m starting to produce more mucus (nice!) which not only makes me snore, but also means I wake up during the night with a mouth as dry as a cream cracker. I was warned about this stage – I will produce more mucus and less saliva, so while my mouth is dry, my throat has plenty of excess ‘material’ that needs to come out one way or another. Rich has kindly bought me a cool mist humidifier so I will be trying that tonight to see if it makes a difference, and will likely need to start using the wedge pillow to sleep more upright too.

Treatment itself was quite uneventful, taking less than 15 minutes in total. Music choice was ‘Rise Up’ by Andra Day. I was feeling the need to regain some positivity and really push myself to keep going, so it felt an appropriate choice, especially the lyrics "You're broken down and tired'. An understatement if ever I heard one! This treatment really does feel like moving mountains.

I saw the duty doctor after my treatment to discuss the new morphine-induced nausea, and yet again came away with some more (new) meds. A stronger anti-sickness pill to take twice a day (as well as the current one, so I now have five anti-emetic tablets per day), and a mouth rinse that also lines my stomach and numbs my throat. I tried these both out today and they definitely helped. It is getting to the point where no matter how much morphine or codeine I have taken, if I eat for more than a few minutes, my throat really hurts. I have found the only way to make eating possible is to take the morphine, rinse my mouth and wait 20 minutes, then eat as quickly as possible – not terribly easy when you have a dry mouth and can’t really taste anything. I did succeed again tonight though, managing spaghetti carbonara for dinner. I still need to wash every mouthful down with a gulp of water, but I can’t tell you how pleased (and surprised) I am to be still eating solid food at this stage. It may not last much longer but every day I manage it feels like an achievement. What a shame I can’t have a nice glass of wine to celebrate!

Tiredness is getting worse now and I have spent the entire afternoon lying on the sofa watching TV. I still feel so lazy! I have a to-do list as long as my arm and very grand plans in my mind to do so many things around the house, but the motivation and energy just aren’t there. Still, the pets are loving having a hooman to hang out with. I have much in common with them now - like a bunch of sloths, all four of us loaf around on the sofa all day, waiting to be fed!