I woke up today with a sore throat. I took some paracetamol and I also decided to try the new mouth rinse (Gelclair) prescribed by my oncologist yesterday, which is meant to help with mucositis (the medical term for a very sore mouth caused by cancer treatment).
Gelclair is basically a thick clear gel that tastes like Ouzo. If you’re a fan of Ouzo, this could make for a great Saturday night treat, but for someone who isn’t particularly keen on aniseed, it felt more like a punishment. Why can’t they just make it mint flavoured like most mouth washes? The idea is that you rinse your mouth with it and it coats the inside of your mouth, thereby enabling you to eat without pain, whilst simultaneously healing your torturous ulcers. What seemed to happen in my case was that after I had coated my mouth with the Ouzo-like substance, it then burned every surface inside my mouth. It felt as though somebody had a lit match at the back of my throat and was holding it there, gently burning away the skin. It really did feel like the burning fires of Hell had moved into my throat.
I wondered if I had done something wrong. Maybe I hadn’t diluted it enough? Maybe I had swished for too long? Not one to give up easily, I tried it again before lunch, with slightly more water and slightly less swishing. It had exactly the same effect. It certainly didn't make eating any easier, and it made the pain a lot worse so I won't be continuing with this one. I do have stronger painkillers now – I was prescribed 100 co-codamol tablets yesterday, which felt worrying in itself if that’s the amount of pain they expect me to experience in week 3 - but I’m reluctant to hit the opiates just yet. I’m also a little apprehensive about the dosage they have prescribed – after surgery I managed on 8mg codeine which, quite frankly, was quite enough to send me into a funny place with all sorts of weird dreams, and this time I’ve been prescribed 30mg - almost 4 times the dosage. Although if it sends me four times as crazy that may not be a bad thing!
All
in all, today has been a fairly relaxed day, which was much-needed after the full-on
radiation schedule of the week. I did manage a few chores – I walked the dog,
did the laundry and changed the cat litter (I know, contain your excitement), but that was about the extent of my
exertion. This part I am finding very hard indeed. I hate not being busy. And
generally you would rarely find me sitting around doing nothing - unless I have a
glass of wine in my hand – and even then I’m usually multi-tasking. I feel so….LAZY!
Not to mention guilty, because Rich is having to pick up everything with the
girls because I’m now pretty much useless. I’m trying hard to train my mind to
not think this is laziness, but as recovery. I am fully aware I am putting my
body through a very difficult treatment and it needs time to rest and repair. It’s
still not easy though, and I would much rather be up and about doing all the
things I used to do - and also having a glass of wine of course!
The other thing I’m finding hard to come to terms with is the way everything is so up-and-down. One minute I am fine, the next I feel dreadful. On the one hand, this is a good thing because one bad day doesn’t necessarily translate into a bad week, but on the other hand it’s very difficult to make plans (e.g. to meet a friend for coffee) when you have no idea how you will feel from one day to the next, or evening a morning to an afternoon. Thank you to all my lovely friends and family for being so patient with me – if it’s any consolation, I share your frustrations! 😉
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