Goodbye tumour

Today is the day – I’m going to say farewell to the horrid tumour. I’m actually going to say it in very different words but my parents and/or children might read this so I won’t swear.

I barely slept last night, I kept dreaming about throwing up porridge in car parks, very bizarre. I am sitting in the pre-op room now, writing this on my phone, waiting to be called. Apparently I’m first on the list. I have no idea if that’s a good thing – because the surgeon will be well-slept and ready for work - or bad thing, because maybe he didn’t sleep well and he’ll muddle through the first few operations?!) - but either way it must mean I don’t have to wait long.

The 5am alarm was brutal, especially when that same alarm was meant to be my call for Palma today. I’m trying so hard to stay positive. So many friends and family have reached out to wish me well and it means so much to have such amazing support. I am feeling strong, scared, but positive. First step towards hopefully becoming cancer free. Still keeping my eye on the prize – this time potentially a holiday if I can recover quickly enough.

Two songs are popping into my head – Chumbawumba ‘I get knocked down, but I get up again’ and Gabrielle’s Rise – now I’m ready to rise again. That will hopefully be me soon, back to myself, likely a different me from before cancer, but still me.

A doctor just came in and drew an arrow on my neck – cut here. Slightly concerning that they are using felt tip pens and guesswork to know where to slice my neck!! Afterwards, I touched my unscarred neck to remember life before cancer. And I had to read a quote that I found recently, that helped me to focus:

The place you are in now is a place you are passing through, not a place you are staying. There are better days ahead. You will find that you are tougher than you realise, possibly tougher than you ever thought possible.

Let’s hope so.