Today’s hospital visit was different from the others so far. I had a few appointments starting at 9am so the car picked me up at 7.45am which was an early start given how tired I am currently. Still, it was the promise of my first ever acupuncture session that spurred me to get out of bed – it bizarrely felt like the promise of some pampering! - after which I had my radiotherapy session and finally a consultation with my oncologist. That was the theory at least; the reality was a little different.
The acupuncture was quite enjoyable, probably because it was mostly acupressure, it being my first time and all. It basically felt like a nice massage. I did have 6 pins put into my legs. I’m not entirely sure what the purpose was, nor indeed the outcome, but it wasn’t too unpleasant. The whole experience was overall positive but that may have just been because I was in a darkened room, in peace and quiet, with someone doing something positive to me, rather than trying to cut, burn or poison me!
I left the acupuncture session feeling more relaxed than when I had arrived, all set to be brave for my radio session and not ask them to take the mask off, when a radiographer explained to me that the machine had broken down and they were waiting for someone to repair it. My heart sank. I asked how long. They said the repair guy lived quite far away, but was on his way already. If they couldn’t repair it within a few hours, they would instead send me to the radiotherapy department in Milton Keynes. I heard this and wanted to cry. The last time I had visited Milton Keynes was for my work induction training some 21 years ago and it had involved a lot of partying. This time would be unrecognisably different – not to mention having to spend more time feeling unwell in the car. I took a seat and hoped it wouldn’t come to that.
After some time, I saw the oncologist for my weekly meeting and she gave me some new anti-nausea meds to try on Monday. Apparently they will also make me drowsy, which could work well for the mask too. She is pleased with how I am doing so far, still eating 3 meals a day (and the rest!) and still able to taste some foods. My neck hasn’t yet started to redden which is also positive, hopefully helped by the gel I have been prescribed to slather around my right ear 3 times a day. She tried to understand why I’m still struggling with the mask, telling me that nothing bad would happen while I was in the mask. Of course I know this – and I am very aware that my fear is not rational. But I decided to try those words as a mantra today.
When I came out, I was told the machine had been repaired – hoorah! – and they needed 45 minutes to run all the necessary checks. This was music to my ears as it meant I wouldn’t need to endure any additional time in the car. They also told me I would likely be first to go in. I didn’t like this part as much. I immediately thought of the rollercoasters at Alton Towers – in the past, when they have broken down, I have always thought I would never want to be the first on when they restart them. This felt the same – I did not want to take the risk of it breaking down again in the middle of the session and be stuck in the mask for any longer than needed. Thankfully, 40 minutes later, I was informed another lady would be ahead of me as she had another appointment to go to, so I was saved! Phew.
I finally got into the session and was feeling pretty determined not to have the mask taken off today. I asked them to turn the music right up, and talk to me continuously and practised my oncologist’s mantra over and over. Nothing bad will happen, nothing bad will happen, nothing bad will happen… I got through it all in one attempt which was a huge relief, although it almost went awry when the machine stopped for longer than usual at the halfway point. I was about to go into meltdown when it started again and could barely contain my relief – well, I had no choice as I obviously can’t move in the mask but I can smile to myself.
Music plays a huge role during treatment, as well as the staff themselves. I have a favourite radiographer, a lovely bright blonde-haired lady with a very gentle demeanour. She really does her best to put me at ease whenever she is there. Today, when the treatment started, Whitney Houston’s ‘Higher Love’ was playing, and afterwards Taylor Swift’s ‘Gorgeous’ came on. Chatting to me through the speaker in the middle of treatment, she told me how much she hated Taylor Swift. Then, when the treatment came to an end, she said “and that’s the end of the treatment Sarah, hereby ending both your pain and mine!”
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