Week 2 - Disco Day 7

I read a quote on a Facebook post recently – a fellow cancer sufferer’s oncologist had to told her to consider her mindset and “think about the fact [she] could have very few side effects instead of assuming the worst case scenario. So [she] did!” While I really believe in the power of the mind, I am also quickly learning about the power of radiation, so while I am trying hard to make it a case of mind over matter, the physical realities seem to have a different path in mind. Rich brought me a cup of tea in bed this morning. It tasted like dishwater, so I – very reluctantly - had to tell him not to bother bringing tea for the time being, despite really wanting a cup of tea. My taste hasn’t completely gone, but things are starting to taste odd and water is tasting very metallic. I can’t taste my morning toast either so I may need to think of an alternative breakfast for now. Coffee is more appealing than ever, with its strong taste, so long may that continue. 

I felt quite nauseous again this morning and considered walking the dog before treatment to see if it helped. In the end I was too lazy/tired and couldn’t drag myself out of my warm comfy bed, especially given we seem to have been plunged into autumn overnight, but I enormously regretted this as I ended up getting caught in the torrential downpour this afternoon and poor Oscar and I got absolutely drenched. I keep wondering how I can get myself into a daily routine as I function so much better with some structure (yes, I’m still a toddler!), but I’m quickly learning that cancer doesn’t allow routines, nor does it allow you to make plans so it really is one day at a time.

The car journey didn’t start off too well when the driver asked me where I worked. When I told him, he replied that his brother-in-law also did a similar job, but he had been made redundant around 8 years ago. He thought that the stress of the job was responsible for his untimely death. I assumed he must have had a heart attack or similar, but he then proceeded to tell me he had died of cancer. Really not helpful given I was on my way to a cancer treatment centre!

After that unwanted exchange, I managed to catch up with an old friend (old as in long-term, rather than in age!) who I haven’t chatted to in years and we had a fab chat, which both passed the time and helped distract me from the nausea – plus it was lovely to hear all her news after so many years, and countries in their case. 

The mask didn’t go well today, I had to have it taken off twice before I managed to settle enough for the treatment. I’m not entirely sure why, I just felt a rising panic in my chest every time they bolted me in. By the 7^th session, I would have assumed I would be used to it but seems I have a way to go. Might need to start practising my breathing again!

To cheer myself up, on the way home I listened to a French & Saunders podcast called ‘Titting About’ – yes it’s really called that. It’s like being in a room with the duo making fun of themselves, each other and generally laughing a lot. They say laughter is the best medicine and it seemed to work on this journey. They ended the ‘school’ pod with some jokes:

Why did Adele cross the road?

So she could say hello from the other side!

Sorry, I couldn’t resist that one.

I’ll finish up by saying a(nother!) huge thank you to all my friends and family for your ongoing support. After publishing this blog last night I have had so many amazing messages and calls. I am so incredibly grateful for such amazing friends and family.