Today felt less like a disco and more like a karaoke booth. It was a tale of two halves. As soon as I got up, I took one of my new anti-nausea pills and then I went straight out for a woods walk with the dog, mostly to tire myself out a little in the hope that I might feel more zen in the mask. The pills must be bottled magic – I did not feel sick at all in the car and the journey passed uneventfully for the first time since starting treatment. I could not believe my luck. Not only did I not feel sick, but I even managed to look at my phone every now and then to find songs on the new playlist I have created to get me through this. I mentioned in a previous post that I have asked some friends and family to send me uplifting songs, or ones that inspire memories of fun times. The playlist is great – it evokes some fantastic memories and also makes me feel good. I’m still building it so if any of you have any suggestions pop them in the comments or send me a message and I will add to my list.
The meds are also meant to make me feel drowsy, so I was hoping this would help with the mask. Turns out I didn’t really need it today. The radiotherapy team can play any song I want so, feeling super-charged after the early dog walk and positive after the car journey, I requested David Guetta/Sia’s ‘Titanium.’ I’m not sure I’m feeling completely bulletproof just now, but the lyrics certainly made me feel stronger. I asked them to crank up the volume and I focused entirely on the song. I was desperate for a mic and a good sing song! Music is definitely good therapy - the amazing news is that I didn’t need to have the mask taken off until the end of treatment. This was only the second time in 9 days I have managed this, so it was a big accomplishment for me. I’m hoping I can do the same tomorrow with a different song - need to think of tomorrow’s song now! The journey back was also fine, I started to feel a little queasy by the time I got home, probably from the radiotherapy, but it was manageable. However, this is where the day changed gear.
I made myself some lunch. I had been feeling very proud of myself for still being able to eat everything almost 2 weeks into treatment, and today was no exception. Bacon and cheese tart with spinach and avocado salad, followed by a whole delicious ripe mango. Delicious! Except it hurt. My jaw is now starting to close up. I have jaw exercises I am doing a few times a day, but they are getting harder. So opening my mouth is a little tender. And now I have my first treatment ulcer, forming under my tongue at the back of my mouth, making chewing and swallowing pretty painful. Dinner was fried rice with bacon and egg and it was a bit of a struggle – I needed a lot of water to get it down and I couldn’t really taste it at all. I wanted to add a lot of soy sauce, but that would have been dangerous given my lack of taste. And to top it all off, it was painful. I’ve asked the team for some special mouthwash to help get rid of (or at least manage) the ulcer and I am hoping that as my journey so far has been far from linear that this doesn’t necessarily mean it’s downhill from here. Hopefully I will bounce right back up tomorrow – and long may the nausea-free car journeys continue!
(Btw I have added a ‘follow’ button to the blog so please follow for updates)
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