Student Days

Rather than having the anticipated effect of aging me, this treatment seems to be taking me back in time to my student days. On Friday night, I slept for eleven hours. I don’t think I’ve slept that long since before having children, so at least sixteen years. And given I am eating cereal for dinner these days too, I feel like I am a throwback to my 1990s self. Next I will be sporting a perm and loafers and taking my laundry home for my mum to wash.

Saturday was a really tough day. The blister under my tongue had become more painful, along with a sore at the back of my mouth which hurt every time I swallowed. My nosebleeds seemed to be getting worse too. I was simply standing in the kitchen and suddenly blood started dripping from my nose. The biggest issue I had on Saturday, though, was constant nausea. Despite taking two lots of heavy-duty nausea pills, it just wouldn’t go away. Radiation sickness is a known side-effect of treatment and all I can say is that I am grateful that this has come so late, although of course it would have been preferable had it not come at all.

Needless to say, given all of these symptoms, I didn’t really do much on Saturday. It was almost lunchtime by the time I got out of bed after my mammoth slumber. I really fancied French toast for breakfast so Rich made me a version with soft cheap ‘plastic’ bread (sourdough is out of the question at the moment), which I then had to drown in maple syrup to make it edible (not because of Rich’s cooking of course, but because otherwise it would have been too dry to swallow). I washed this down with a lukewarm milky decaf coffee. Yes, I am officially alcohol-free, caffeine-free and fun-free. But I did manage a whole piece of bread.

Lunch felt more difficult. I tried smooth peanut butter on toast again but as my saliva is now so limited, it was impossible to swallow without a mouthful of tepid tea for every bite. As much as I’ve been reluctant to rely solely on the shakes because I want to keep eating, so that my jaw keeps moving and so that I keep swallowing solid food, I think I’m getting to the point where it’s just too difficult and for a few weeks I may need to just rely on the shakes. They are really not pleasant though, sweet and sickly, with a thick gloopy texture, so I want to consume as few as possible.

I had to force myself to take the dog for a walk on Saturday afternoon, and I felt quite unwell all the way around the woods. I usually enjoy my walks, they are my sanity, but this time I couldn’t wait to get back home to lie down again. And it’s that time of year, so Saturday night was a 2-hour Strictly extravaganza with Lily performing live in the living room!

Today has been better. The nausea subsided and I felt more ‘normal’, although I have now forgotten how it feels to be normal. I met with a friend for a dog walk and it was lovely to hear some normal conversation. It is strange to think life continues around me whilst mine is on hold.