Week 5 - Day 25

Week 5 is a wrap! I was actually looking forward to this morning – I had a blissful hour of reflexology booked before my treatment. This did mean an early start, but it would be worth it for some proper relaxation, and I would be feeling nice and zen for the radiation itself. However, rather like yesterday, this morning brought another unfortunate start - this time a burst water main near Oxford which resulted in a road closure, added another 45 minutes to the journey and meant I had already missed three-quarters of my appointment when I arrived. Not to worry, they said, because your reflexologist isn’t here either so I’m afraid it’s cancelled. Oh. So glad I forced myself out of bed at such an ungodly hour. I went straight in for treatment instead and then it took another hour and a half to get home. I honestly never want to see the inside of a car again when this is over. 

Music today was chosen by my lovely friend Carol-Ann, who messaged me yesterday suggesting 'What's Up' by 4 Non Blondes. I can totally relate to 'trying to get up that great big hill of hope' at the moment, not to mention the line 'I am feeling a little peculiar'. Just realised I forgot to mention music yesterday. After all the disruption, I was thrown on my music choice as I had wanted a good karaoke song for my last week, but then I felt a bit embarrassed asking the strangers in Windsor for 'Islands in the Stream' so I chickened out and opted for safer Adele 'Someone Like You'. Then when I ended up staying in Oxford, I was all flustered, forgot my original choice and stuck with Adele. I think Dolly and Kenny will still be making an appearance this week though, don't worry ;-)

I took the dog straight out for a walk when I got home. For the first time, it truly felt like an effort to make myself go out rather than collapse on the sofa, so it was more of a crawl than a walk, but the dog was happy nonetheless and I felt better for the fresh air after spending another 3.5 hours staring at the back of a car seat headrest.

I was concerned that last night’s fish pie failure would mean I would be moving onto meal replacement shakes today, but I did manage my usual soggy Rice Krispies for breakfast, and then a heavily buttered peanut butter sandwich for lunch (smooth of course), washed down with lukewarm tea. It all sounds so delicious doesn’t it? Bet I am making you hungry with all this talk of gourmet cuisine. Afternoon snack was nice – some vanilla Hagen Daazs blended with Speculoos syrup (thanks Steve and Ellen!) to make a sort of milkshake type thing. A good one for the arteries. Dinner was a chicken and ham gratin, but I have come to the conclusion that meat is now officially off the menu. When you can’t taste it properly, the texture is just wrong. I managed a small amount, but gave up and had a some soggy cornflakes and soggy cheerios instead. It feels like being a student all over again, minus the beans and toast.

My neck is finally starting to go a little red but I am still hoping I can avoid serious skin burns until the end of treatment, because I can’t imagine how painful it would be to continue to radiate onto existing burns (although this is what is happening in my throat). It would be like getting badly sunburned, and then going back out for another day of tanning. Ouch. I have lost a small amount of hair at the nape of my neck, sort of like a comedy 1980s undercut (not noticeable thank goodness as my longer hair covers it!). The fact that I’m at the end of week 5 and these things are only just happening is positive. Many people suffer from these side effects far earlier, so I guess I am lucky in that regard. Pain levels remain the same (manageable with pain meds), other than when I eat, which is when it sky-rockets. Mucus is about the same too. Thankfully no spit buckets needed just yet. 

This is the fascinating thing about radiotherapy and the duration of treatment – I had expected all of these side effects to worsen over time, and indeed they do, but sometimes quite slowly, and sometimes they plateau or even get better before they get worse. The worst symptoms today have been dizziness and nausea. I am no longer sure if my anti-sickness meds are making me feel less sick or more sick when combined with everything else I am taking. I certainly don't feel normal, definitely not on top of the world, as The Carpenters would say, but still standing/walking/eating (just about) which feels quite miraculous given what I have put my poor body through. I am currently touching a lot of very solid wood.

I'll finish today's post by saying another huge thank you to all of you for taking the time out of your busy days to read this blog and to send me your lovely, kind, heartwarming messages of support and encouragement. I can't always reply straight away but it is so nice to hear from you all. Going through cancer treatment can certainly be a difficult time, so it is lovely to hear the pings on my phone reminding me that there is life outside of this isolating world of treatment. I am so looking forward to the time when I am well enough to start living my life again and seeing my lovely friends and family.