Week 4 - Day 18

I’m not sure if it’s because it’s Friday, or because of the new meds, or because I had my treatment in Oxford for the first time this week, or just because, in the words of my oncologist, your body learns to adapt to the pain, but whatever the reason, today has been a much better day. I never thought I would say it was good to be back in the hospital, but the familiar surroundings of the Oxford hospital, where the staff know my name, know the setting, and more importantly, know how to operate the music, certainly made for a more comfortable experience today. 

Music today was Chumbawumba’s ‘Tubthumping’ – you probably think you have never heard of this, but you would definitely recognise it if it were played on the radio. Think ‘I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down.’ It’s very much a feel good song. I felt I was really embodying the spirit of these lyrics today (maybe not the ‘I drink a vodka drink’ part!). It has been a tough week, certainly the toughest so far (although I suspect there is much worse to come) - daily four-hour car trips to an unfamiliar environment, coupled with significant pain and tiredness. Yet today I felt more positive with the pain under greater control. Yes, another reason today was a good day was because I was prescribed liquid morphine which I can take every 2 hours if needed. That feels quite excessive to me (although possibly also super fun) so I won’t be taking it that often, but it can be used to bridge the gaps between meds.

I am still managing to eat ‘normal’ foods. Apologies if I am repeating this every day, but I feel like shouting from the rooftops when I have eaten something because so many people in my situation are already on feeding tubes at this stage, so every single piece of solid food feels like an enormous achievement. Evenings are the most challenging time because the pain becomes worse by then – presumably the wounds are sore after a day of eating and talking – so I try to get most of my intake over breakfast and lunch and that way I don’t have to worry too much about managing dinner. I am clearly still managing to get enough calories in though, so much so that at my weekly weigh-in today, it seems I have now gained 2kg since starting treatment! That wasn’t quite the intention but I did enjoy all of the milkshakes and desserts!

When I got home from the hospital, I collapsed on the sofa with the pets. Having never watched daytime TV, it’s quite a novelty to switch the TV on and watch whatever happens to be showing. I didn’t even know there were so many channels these days (that makes me sound SO old!). I’ve been watching A Place in the Sun and another one to do with living in a French Chateaux. I have to say, I could happily move to a nice chateau and become a chatelaine. Rich is going to read this and ban me from watching these programmes soon! Happy Friday everyone!