Le Bon Weekend

This is my fourth weekend during treatment. On the one hand, I could really do without treatment stopping on a weekend because I just want to get it over with as quickly as possible. Without weekend breaks, I would be able to finish treatment 12 days earlier (6 weekends), so by my calculations I would be finishing next Thursday. If only! The weekdays also provide structure for me – mornings are busy getting treatment done, and I have some rest during the afternoon before the girls get home from school, whereas weekends feel quite long at the moment because I’m not really doing very much and there's a limit to how much Netflix a person can watch (or maybe that's just me?).

On the other hand, the weekends are a welcome break from the long car journeys, the hospital and generally the stress of it all. I can stay in bed as late as I like and don’t have to rush back from my dog walk to the awaiting car. Similar to eating, I am pleased I’m still managing to get out for a walk with Oscar every day. I’m definitely walking more slowly than I did previously but it is nice to escape the house and get some fresh air; it is even better when the sun is shining.

Quite a lot can happen on my dog walks. This is often the time I select my song for radiotherapy. I play lots of songs until I get to the one that jumps out and me and matches my mood that day. Sometimes I have entire conversations with myself on my walks, usually around the topic of how to slice the number of remaining sessions.

Me: Only 12 sessions left. Hoorah!

Also me: But that’s still 2.5 weeks, so not really that great

Me: But on Tuesday I will complete 4 weeks!

Also me: Yes, but there are still 2 weekend days and 2 treatments to go until then and look how quickly things went wrong last weekend

Me: Yes but I’ve now got stronger pain meds. Plus I am still eating!

Also me: Don’t forget you’ve got the skin burns and mucus to come…

And so I go on, back and forth, trying to stay positive but at the same time being very realistic about the situation I am in. Perhaps one of the side effects of all the meds is schizophrenia?! Quite typical that I find myself arguing with myself though 😉

I have managed to eat again today – some Weetabix ‘soup’ for breakfast with a coffee flavoured Fortisip on ice (I try to pretend it’s an iced coffee) and a chicken, pesto and mozzarella toastie for lunch. I have to say, I even managed to impress myself with this. Admittedly, it was quite small and I didn’t eat the crusts, and it was pretty painful unless I washed every mouthful down with a big gulp of water – but still! Since then, however, my throat has been burning continuously, even after my codeine top up, so I suspect I may have overdone it. You don’t know these things until you try, but I am not quite ready to move to soups and shakes just yet, even though I know that time will come, and probably very soon.